In the Silence of the Forest: Embracing Authenticity Amidst Contradictions

Becky Hemsley's profoundly poetic words in her poem "Breathe" resonate deeply within my soul:

"She sat at the back and they said she was shy.

She led from the front and they hated her pride,

They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,

They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence, When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,

So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,

They told her they’d listen, then covered their ears,

And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

And she listened to all of it thinking she should,

Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,

But one day she asked what was best for herself,

Instead of trying to please everyone else,

So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,

She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,

She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,

And she told them what she’d been told time after time,

She told them she felt she was never enough,

She was either too little or far far too much,

Too loud or too quiet,

too fierce or too weak,

Too wise or too foolish,

too bold or too meek,

Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs,

And she stopped…and she heard what the trees said to her,

And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,

For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe."

We as women are constantly told to be a million different things, each demand often contradicting the other. It can feel nearly impossible to keep up with the myriad ways we’re expected to show up in the world. I've found these voices loud and the expectations almost unbearable. Yet, in this overwhelming space, I've discovered something powerful—an invitation to question and challenge societal expectations. It’s a chance to choose a different path, not just for myself but for my daughter, to show her how to navigate a world that screams at her to fit the mold and obey the "rules."

I don’t know if you, my friends, find it difficult to sift through the noise and determine what should stay and what should go, but I do. For me, the noise can be deafening and overwhelming. I begin to lose sight of who I am, start believing the lies of who I should be, and fall into the trap of thinking my role is to martyr myself for the sake of motherhood, wifehood, and womanhood. When I fall into that space, I start to burn out, becoming resentful and frustrated. And then I have a choice: I can stay in that headspace, trapped by those lies, or I can choose to actively step out, to reconnect with my true self, and quiet the voices that demand to be heard.

Recently, I felt the weight of burnout and the pressures of martyrdom pressing down on me, so I knew I needed to get away—to find a place where it was quiet and I could be alone. I've never been someone who is naturally attuned to her needs; I was conditioned to believe that having needs was selfish. This conditioning makes it challenging for me to stop and discern between my own needs and the needs of others. But I’ve learned that one of my greatest needs is solitude in the great outdoors.

Today, I stepped into the wilderness and wandered along the river. I listened to the birdsong and the rushing water, letting them soothe me and quiet my mind. I found a clearing, and I allowed myself to breathe, to stay in silence with my arms outstretched, ready to receive all that the forest had to share with me. The forest didn’t speak. It didn’t tell me who to be or how to show up. It simply let me be. It gave me a place to rest, to calm, and to restore my soul. I allowed it to inspire me and remind me of who I am at my core—who Toni is when she’s not active in the many roles she plays.

In that moment, I allowed myself to be on the receiving end, choosing to absorb the abundance of gifts that nature offers without expecting anything in return. Nature doesn’t ask me to be or do anything other than to breathe, to be still, to rest. I am deeply grateful for nature’s sweet and gentle offerings, for the freedom from all expectations, for the chance to simply be my authentic self.

We, as women, benefit greatly from the forest and its willingness to let us just breathe. The forest allows us to show up exactly as we are, without any expectation of who we should be. So, in a world that demands us to be a million different things while contradicting itself at every turn, I will continue to show up unapologetically as myself. I will sit with the trees, allowing their silence to fill my soul and propel me forward. How do you find peace and reconnect with your true self amidst the noise?